You can read my research below...
* Harry Potter from 'Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone':
"Harry had a thin face, knobbly knees, black hair and bright-green eyes. He wore round glasses held together with a lot of sellotape because of all the times Dudley had punched him on the nose. The only thing Harry liked about his own appearance was a very thin scar on his forehead which was shaped like a bolt of lightning."
Deciding to start with one of the first books I ever read, looking back at J.K Roling's character description for the main protagonist Harry Potter I must admit that I find that it is not as interesting as I remembered. Nothing against the writer, after all, I am a big fan of the series and it is well written. But, I just find the description of Harry to be rather bland. Yes it describes his face, but not his hair style or build, plus I don't find knees of all things to be interesting unless it builds up to a bigger picture. I am also surprised by the lack of adjectives, as although she has used words such as "thin", "knobbly" and "bright" you would think she would go into further descriptions of what they may resemble. Or at least separate the facial description from the body.
Although the mention of him liking something about his appearance (the scar) is a nice touch as it shows a human's desire to look good. I felt the added description of the glasses was a bit forced and could have been left for a later point, although I understand the importance of telling the reader why the glasses have sellotape on them.
* Luke Skywalker from the script of 'Star Wars: A New Hope':
"Luke Skywalker, a farm boy with heroic aspirations who looks much younger than his eighteen years. His shaggy hair and baggy tunic give him the air of a simple but lovable lad with a prize-winning smile."
Considering this is only from a script which relies mostly on dialogue and very few descriptions, I have to say nearly all the characters are clearly introduced with interesting to the point descriptions. This is especially so for the protagonist Luke Skywalker as it tells you something about his occupation, appearance, personality and even a characteristic that we (the reader) can envision throughout the rest of the story e.g. his "prize-winning smile.".
Despite its shortness, it also makes great use of adjectives in order to give us this image of a rather scruffy looking kid thanks to the words "shaggy" and "baggy" used that also add to his character e.g. preoccupied with other things rather than how he looks (though this isn't evident in the films).
Even using "lovable" is a good means of making the character come across as more likable.
Granted from including his occupation and personalty you remove the opportunity to show this in his actions rather than tell us, but at the same time everything isn't revealed all at once since later the character will express his desires and what exactly his aspirations are.
* Josh Lee Hamilton from 'The Walking Dead: The Road to Woodbury':
"It takes a great deal of conscious effort for Lilly not to stare at the black man’s arm as it pistons up and down. Even crouching in his sleeveless denim shirt and ratty down vest, Josh Lee Hamilton cuts an imposing figure. Built like an NFL tackle, with monolithic shoulders, enormous tree-trunk thighs, and thick neck, he still manages to carry himself quite gently. His sad, long-lashed eyes and his deferential brow, which perpetually creases the front of his balding pate, give off an air of unexpected tenderness."
My favourite author Robert Kirkman, has always known how to create a fantastic image of a character in the readers head. Using great adjectives, metaphors, alliteration, intertextuality and descriptions, Kirkman is able to refer to a characters build or physique using terms and objects for refrence. For example, saying someone is muscular or well built is one thing, but saying they are "Built like an NFL tackle" and have "enormous tree-trunk thighs" allows us to use existing examples and images in our heads to put together the character piece by piece.
Granted, this type of character description is much longer than either of the other two examples and isn't spread throughout a book on multiple pages as other books would e.g. only referring to something else about the character when it comes up. However, I feel that by getting all the important descriptions out of the way you don't have to spread the appearance of the character out on to multiple pages. This is also a good thing as myself and many others hate to think we have a picture of a character in our heads only for it to completely change later on.
Conclusion:
Looking back over existing examples I was better able to describe my characters in my CYOA using better descriptions and adjectives to bring them to life. Granted, I couldn't make the descriptions nearly as long and in depth as Kirkman's, but I feel that I have given enough to allow my readers to truly imagine each one.
Some examples of the changes I have made can be seen in the two character descriptions below...
* Originally my description for Captain Capri was...
"Wearing her dark blue navy uniform,
she is in her thirties and has a face as if she’s sucking something sour. Her long
red hair is mostly hidden under her captain’s cap as she gives you a
disapproving glare."
Then I changed it to the following...
"Wearing a dark blue navy uniform and a face which looks as if she’s sucking something sour, Capri looks older than her thirty five years. Her long curly red hair is mostly hidden under her captain’s cap. She gives you her usual expression, a disapproving glare."
From doing the above I was able to describe her usual expression (characteristic), aged appearance and use adjectives such as "curly" and "sucking something sour" to give a better vision for my readers.
* I also did this for the character Mayor Taro which started as...
"Wearing an white suit the old wrinkled Asian man in his eighties rubs a hand though his well-groomed moustache before waving you forward."
I then altered it to to the following...
"Behind it, sitting in a grand chair is the unmistakable figure of Mayor Taro, an elderly Asian man in an expensive white suit. The mayor, now well into his eighties, rubs a hand across his well-groomed moustache before beckoning you forward."
From doing the above I fixed things that would be obvious such as "old wrinkled" to "elderly" as it would mean the same thing. I also made it so her rubbed a hand "across" his moustache and not "through" it as I believed the latter to describe what you do with a moustache to be more accurate.
I was also able to be far more subtle with my description of the character. For example, by making him beckon them forward rather than wave them forward I am able to show the power his position as mayor would have. This also shows more clearly by using the word "expensive" for his suit as it means he also has money.
Harvard Referencing:
- Kirkman, R (2012) The Walking Dead: The Road to Woodbury. London: TOR an imprint of Pan Macmillian, a division of Macmillian Publishers Limited.
- Lucas, G (1997) Star Wars: A New Hope. London: Faber and Faber Limited.
- Rowling, J,K (1997) Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone. London: Bloomsbury Publishing PLC.
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